Can Do

20 01 2025

One word convinced me. Actually, it was the concept behind the word.

That concept took me to another level — snapping me out of a cautious funk of settling for the easy way out or crumbs along the path of least resistance.

The word is CAN.

It first came to my attention through a sticker on the back of my cousin’s jeep. Come to find out a Hawaiian man, battling depression, decided to defeat the doubt and negativity in his life by changing his mindset.

CAN defeats Can’t. Simple as that, right?

Well, it’s not as easy as it sounds. As those who have accepted a challenge can attest, half the struggle is just getting started.

I have been fortunate enough to accomplish certain things in life that seemed impossible as a youngster. The list of achievements include running for public office, hiking the Grand Canyon, publishing a book, covering a presidential election and getting married.

Some would say that’s a life well lived.

But I know there is more to experience. Who wants to be mopping trains forever? Not this guy. Could I operate them? You bet, I can.

There was also a not so subtle desire to start a family. This is something Stanley picked up on in our therapy sessions, particularly when it came to my attachment to River.

“You want to be needed,” he said.

Who doesn’t, I thought.

David still needs me and we had a lovely time in Hawaii. The hospitality Rob & Shelley extended to us was above and beyond.

It’s amazing how fast the time goes. I still vividly recall summers on St. George Island and Apalachicola with Rob and all my other cousins. I now realize how precious those moments were.

Looking back, was there anything that could have altered my path? Would a different decision at a critical juncture turned out for the better?

Second-guessing now seems silly.

Changes did await on the mainland. A new work assignment, on the other side of town, would free me from the graveyard shift, challenge my thinking and provide the opportunity to put my new ‘CAN DO’ attitude on display.

For the first time in years, checking on my folks in Florida seemed both doable and desirable. My father’s health continued to deteriorate and mom’s cries for relief were like a broken record.

An old friend from Japan was also on my mind. Like many of the international friendships forged during my younger days traveling, promises of reunions now seemed possible.

CAN was already at work in me.

Fear no longer had a grip on my emotions. Failure, I had come to realize, was just part of the process — not the end result.

I was ready to enter the arena again. To dare greatly while speaking my truth softly. To strive valiantly without coming off overconfident and cocky.

I think I CAN. I think I CAN. Choo-Choo!

All Aboard!


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Categories : Confidence, Family, Hawaii, Optimism

Hawaiian Reset

12 12 2024

Heeding Stanley’s advice, I began to distance myself from River.

And the therapist wasn’t the only one delivering this message. Kieran — my loyal friend all through the pandemic and beyond — was uncharacteristically blunt. He had been observing a disturbing change in me.

“He’s using you and he’ll take you down with him,” Kieran warned. “A narcissist with addiction issues is a dangerous combination.”

River had a lot of drinking buddies so replacing me in his rotation would be no problem. My sympathies for him remained and as Stanley had predicted, it hurt as I cut off communication.

Luckily for me, I had some vacation time coming that would chase my blues away. Not long after the new year, David and I traveled to Hawaii to see my cousin Rob and his wife Shelley. Empty nesters, with both kids recently graduating from college, they had graciously offered to let us stay with them during our visit.

We left Portland just as a big winter storm approached. David’s brother chained up the tires on his SUV and navigated along frozen back roads to get us to the airport. On the tarmac, crews worked hard to de-ice the plane, enabling our takeoff in what felt like a true escape from winter’s clutches.

We flew directly to Kauai, one of the less populated islands, known for its lush greenery. It had been years since I last saw Rob and Shelley. Rob grew up in Miami, went to UF and worked as a defense contractor on the technical side, even living abroad for a time in the Middle East.

Rob picked us up at the airport in his blue jeep with a orange Florida Gators logo on the side door. He had long hair and was wearing shorts, flip flops and a T-shirt. It was the classic beach bum look.

Aside from the heat, one of the first things I noticed as we left the airport, were the chickens. They were everywhere and their cock-a-doodle-dos could be heard all over the island.

Rob took us to lunch at a waterfront restaurant where at night herds of sea turtles crawled to shore.

“How’s your dad?,” he asked.

“Not good,” I replied.

My brother had recently sold dad’s truck. He was never going to drive again. The Parkinson’s was progressing and dad refusing his medications didn’t help.

After lunch, we drove on Kauai’s one main road to the southern side of the island, where Shelley welcomed us into their cozy cedar home. They had two dogs and a big backyard full of colorful flowers, plants and trees.

Fritz House

It was so peaceful and serene. Just what we needed.

“Make yourself at home,” Shelley said as she showed us to the downstairs guest room.

The walls were covered with pictures of their wedding, children and travels. You could feel love resonating through the frames.

I slept soundly that night in paradise. Something was stirring inside of me. As we would soon find out, it was the power of CAN.


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Categories : Family, Friendship, Hawaii, Travel